Since I Don’t Have You- Prologue
~May 9, 1989~
When I saw the look on Erin’s face as I told her that I wanted a divorce, she looked as if she just got paralyzed. I know that feeling though- the feeling that someone is leaving you, just because you aren’t like everyone else. What I didn’t understand, was that she was surprised and had lost trace of thought about the divorce. She had been gunning for me and a divorce since the night we’d gotten married.
“Why me Axl? You and I have been through so much together, that right now at this very moment, it would be s**t to even think about it,” Erin hesitated to say.
“What do you mean, right now at this very moment?” I wondered to her.
“Well, do you remember that night of our honeymoon where we…..”Erin had lost her sentence, her baby blue eyes looking me deep in the eyes. I knew this only meant one thing: she was pregnant.
This is why I want a divorce Erin, because you never tell me anything that happens, and when you do, it never ends up at the right time,” I stated to her clearly.
“Well then, I’m done with you and your h**lish ways you’ve caused to me since our first relationship. Goodbye Axl, you’ve taught me a lot of things. But believe me; I’m not done with this just yet. I’ll be back one day, one day……”Erin said as she walked past me. She put her coffee mug down for one last time, took my cigarette free-hand and rubbed it.
“You were my first love. You made me realize that I don’t have to be like every other f***er in the world and just take s**t from everybody else. But….whenever I look in your eyes, your breathtaking, emerald eyes….I see us just being great childhood friends, not lifetime sweethearts. The only reason I married you is because you came to my house and said that if I didn’t marry you, you would shoot yourself. I care too much about you to just see you do that. But your ego kills,” she kissed my hand, and just like that, she was gone. Out of sight.
As I saw her drive away in her cherry corvette I bought her for her birthday, I glanced over and noticed that she had left something on the counter. It was her wedding ring. That same 7K wedding ring is what I planned to hand down to my kin that she had driven away with.
What the h**l was I supposed to do now? Just act like nothing happened? No. Punch something and throw it out the window? H**l yes. “You know what Sweet Child O’ Mine? Here is what I’ve been wanting to do since the day you told me I have a selfish mind.” I took an old, yet now ex favored picture of her and I and looked at the over done smiles, yet charming look we had to each other. It was a nice reminder that I had for once made the right choice on having a relationship, so I thought then. But now, it was a nice reminder to jab the f***er like I never had.
Picture, gone. I spent the next few days killing anything and everything in sight that wasn’t truly significant. But I couldn’t help but stop and think when I was watching T.V.: what was she gonna do with our child? I love the fact that having a kid meant more rejoice, more reason to love life and find inner peace. But one thing I don’t want to happen is the horrors that happened to me will happen again with them. The long, endless nightmares of betrayal and hopelessness that my parents didn’t give a crap whether I lived or not, and how I was going to grow up never went away. Being on lock down on what they believed, and never being able to listen to whatever you pleased. But how I wondered, was my child supposed to live a normal life?